did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
