My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
