Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
