I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
