Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
