i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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