You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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