Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
