Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
