how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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