every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
