Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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