I didn't shave. On purpose
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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