ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
