im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
