Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
