Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
