Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
