so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
