She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
