Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
