Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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