i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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