Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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