My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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