That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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