I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
