I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
