i jhust puked up my retainher.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
