Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize