Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
