Pregnant stripper...not hot.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drunk is not a location!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
