I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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