We need to rekindle our bromance
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
