I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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