Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
