I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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