Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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