It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
