I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
