You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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