I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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