How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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