my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
