Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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