Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
