dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
