I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
