How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
