Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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