The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
