you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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