there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
