She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
