the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
