i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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