She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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