We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
