There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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