to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
