If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
