That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
