I'm jealous of your bromance
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
