My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
