I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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