I heard we made out
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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