so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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