just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
