every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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