Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
