we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Can I color on your dick again?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
